nina turns 40

Finally got my computer set up at home again (qwest is soooo slow), and am happily online. I was noticing that I wasn't as late to work as usual coming from the new house and then I realized it was because I wasn't going online in the mornings before I left anymore. Looks like that's about to change...

Had a great weekend with cB. The new place is starting to feel like home, and it made me smile more than he knows to see he bought a new toothbrush for himself and stuck it in my toothbrush holder. It's often the little things with him that let me know what he's thinking and feeling. We went to see Rivers and Tides , the documentary about artist Andy Goldsworthy. We both agreed it was a bit too long, but Goldsworthy is crazy in the best sense of the word, he uses his obsessiveness to create truly beautiful and original artwork, and I was touched by how deeply in tune with the land he is. If you're at all intrigued by his work, by all means go and see it, it's fun to watch him at work, and to appreciate how much time he puts into everything and how effortlessly he lets it go.

While unpacking boxes last night I came across a journal written back in March of '94 when I was living in Mexico. Of course I had to stop unpacking and read the whole thing, which only depressed the hell out of me. I was depressed at the time, I'd just been fondled on the street again and was getting tired of being in Mexico, questioning my relationship (a relationship I didn't leave for another six years!!), getting a big crush on another guy. I felt pretty lost and directionless in my life. I guess the depressing part is that I still struggle with a lot of the same issues. It's true, I'm happy with my love life and haven't had a crush on anyone for the longest time, but I still feel pretty directionless. And of course, being a parent changes everything. The happier version of the above is that I also found the kidlet's (still unfinished) baby book, and so I showed him pictures of the day he was born, and of his growth from a scrawny little newborn into a cute pudgie drooler baby. And now he's four!

cB sent me an email filled with self defense tips for women. Reminded me of those classes they had us take during gym in high school along the same theme. They showed us movies and gave us advice like, if you live alone don't put your full name in the phone book, and look in the back seat before you get into the car. I always wondered, why aren't they taking the guys into a separate class so that they can learn how not to be violent towards women?

Just when I was wondering why I was still so sad about leaving my old house, I take a peek at the calendar, do the math and realize, oh yeah, it's those damn hormones kicking in right on schedule. Interesting that that's the emotion they evoke in me most strongly: a great sadness.

The kidlet is back in town, and all is well. When I saw him yesterday and called out his name, he cried out, "Mommy!" and came running at a full gallop towards me, thus warming my heart sufficiently to put up with all his out of control behavior later in the evening. The new house gets the thumbs up. It was especially cool to see the neighbors' rabbits hopping around the yard this morning, and I was impressed by how quickly we zoomed in to school. I still have an unbelievable amount of stuff to figure out a place for, though, and no phone line for several more days. I'll be glad when all is a bit more settled, and maybe cB and I can finally get that weekend away that we've been talking about...

snarky oscar comments

What was up with JLo's dress? The only possible explanation I can come up with for choosing that monstrosity is that she's pregnagnt and trying to hide it. And why is she always invited to the oscars anyway? She's never even been in a decent movie, and yet, every year there she is. Yes, we all know how gorgeous she is, but Halle Berry and Salma Hayek could both kick her ass in that department and act circles around her. Poor Salma really needs to work on her accent. You could see the disappointment on her face when the Mexican movie didn't win for best foreign picture. And why oh why is she hanging out with Edward Norton? ewww! And, as always, Queen Latifah rocks.

God, moving sucks. And I've got the bruises to prove it. The new place is slowly taking shape, but there's still a long way to go, and it just tires me out thinking about it. The good part is that the kitchen is awesome, with tons of storage space and good appliances. I bought a new iron skillet, and unwrapped the knife I got for Christmas and have been saving for the new place. I'm worried about what the kidlet will think. He went to school last wednesday from our old place, and tonight he's coming home to an entirely new place. He knew we were getting a "new house", but I'm not sure he understood that meant we wouldn't still be living at the old place, too. Here's to new space, moving forward and going with the flow.

I miss the kidlet. It's always with a wonderful sense of freedom that I send him off to G&G's, and I thoroughly enjoy having adult time, but I always really miss him, his silliness, his sweetness, our little routines. There's nothing quite like a hug from a four year old to cheer you up when it feels like the whole world is going to hell.

I'm feeling very blessed today. Thanks to all the people in my life who make me feel that way. You know who you are.

Unlike cB, who said he wasn't gonna blog about the war (yeah, right) and then did, I'm not gonna say a damn thing about it. As there seems to be a theme of late here about food and drink, I think I'll just continue in that vein and mention the deliciously smooth cask conditioned porter that we drank last night at Elysian. Here's some good advice: if you're at a brew pub and they have something cask conditioned, order that.

Kidlet is staying and G&G's for a few days while I move, so it's been nice to have some grown up time with cB, even if he insists on watching CNN.

I love mojitos. Rum has always been one of my favorite things to drink, I have fond memories of drinking rum & cokes and playing cards in a cabin by Diamond Lake one summer when I was still in high school. Rum & cokes graduated oh so slightly to cuba libres in college, but after awhile all that sweetness just gets old, and I graduated on to other drinks. Most recently, it's been vodka, usually in the form of tart lemon drops, but there's a restaurant here in seattle that makes a martini with pomegranite molasses and sumac on the rim, which, I know, sounds bizarre and awful, but tastes marvelous. It's got that sweet/tart/bitter taste combination that I so crave these days. But I still have a fondness for rum, and was therefore thrilled to discover a rum drink that works for grownups--the mojito. It's simple and refreshing, and minty and limey and bubbly and tastes like just what you'd want to be drinking on a hotter than hell day in cuba, or a cool spring evening in seattle; especially if that evening includes Tarascan bean soup from the area of mexico where i lived for two years, and grilled tuna in coconut lime sauce.

For some weird reason, every time I make food for cB anymore, I cook mexican. Not sure why, since he'd probably rather eat Thai, but there's something about trying to capture a really good mexican sauce that really gets my culinary juices flowing. I love roasting stuff on a really hot dry pan, and then tossing it all in the blender, then back in the pan to cook. I love seeing how simmering for a half an hour or so changes the flavor of a sauce, I love playing around with the seasoning to get it just right. And finally, I like eating my meal with tortillas. Then I serve it all with some straightforward comfort food like roasted garlic mashed potatoes. Oh well, the proof is in the clean plates when it's all over.

What a week of emotional ups and downs. Happily, it all ended on a high note, and, for once, monday is looking pretty good. The best way to insure a good outlook on monday? It all depends on how you spend sunday night. And no, getting lots of sleep wasn't what I had in mind.

You never know quite what's gonna happen when you start putting your thoughts and bits and pieces of your life out on to the internet for all to see. Surprises await you, of that you can be certain.

I gotta new template, i gotta new template!
And look, now there's a way for you to contact me with your feedback. our little blogger is growing up!

those who know me, know i usually aim to please. i vacillate between thinking this is a good quality, and finding myself an utter wimp. so in the service of wimpiness and/or goodness, i offer up the following list:

top ten reasons why cB and uHHm should be together:

passion/chemistry
for the sake of the acronyms
so that they can prove to each other that not all men/women suck
he likes a girl who can't say no
so the 30 bucks they spent on internet personals won't have been wasted
homecooked mexican food and chopsticks: an unbeatable combination
she stands on her tippie toes when she hugs him
they both like yurts
did i mention the great sex?
oh yeah, and then there's love

Some people say that timing is everything. I say that timing is only part of the equation. There is also intention, and will, and what's in your heart. Timing can only get you so far, and then you have to decide the next step. I am in the difficult position of having something that matters a great deal to me being decided by so many factors that are out of my control. I dove right into this situation with faith and happy abandon, and I opened my heart up wide. Always a vulnerable position, to be sure. But what's the alternative? I'd rather risk the heartbreak than suffer a life of a heart shut down completely.

The latest issue of Bust has a great article on kick-ass women over 40, with brief, inspiring profiles on everyone from Helen Mirrin to Patty Smith, including some of my personal favorites Lucinda Williams, Hilary Clinton and Yoko Ono. And even though Bust is aimed at a (oh so slightly) younger demographic, I love it for its sex positive, female positive outlook on the world.

cB has got his blog on blogger now, after hand coding it for years, and I must say I like what he's doing with it. His writing is more reflective and personal and I like having the fotos mixed in with the text instead of in a separate fotoblog area. I noticed the promised reduction in typos hasn't happened yet, though ;-)

I hate conflict. hate it hate it hate it. It's a classic Libra trait, and I've got it in spades (right up there with my inability to make a quick decision). In just about any argument or disagreement, I'll be the one to back down, to let it all go for the sake of getting along, for harmony in the relationship. So if you want to torture me, point out an area of conflict and then don't talk to me about it, don't give me the chance to make it right again. It's one of the few things that I obsess over. And yeah, today, I'm obsessing. And it ain't pretty.

Moving always makes me sad. With just the small amount of packing up that I've done so far, the room has been irrevocably changed and an era has come to an end. I always really loved this house, loved the neighborhood, loved the trees, loved our room. The new place will be really great, but it's not this place.

decided to have jerry and the boys over for dinner. spent more time cooking it than they ended up spending at the house. the kidlet was in his weird hyper mode that he gets in after spending the day with his dad, and wouldn't stop being totally obnoxious and spitting on jerry's boys. considering they are a lot older and stronger than he is, i don't really blame him for using the gross out factor to hold his own against them, but basically the whole evening was one big ball of frustration. after they left and I was cleaning up the kitchen, I discovered my shirt was on inside out. pretty much sums it all up.

Couldn't force myself to get out of bed this morning. I woke up early enough, but lying there in cB's arms was just so much better than the alternative. I just needed to be held. That simple human contact is so basic and yet so necessary. I was darn glad to have had it too, 'cause when I got to work I was faced with the news that one of my co-workers--who is only 33 and has a young daughter--may have cancer.

One of the new bigwig muckety mucks at work was visiting the office today from California and got her wallet ripped off. Right out of her purse, right in our conference room. That always makes a good impression. Apparently some crafty little thief has been going from floor to floor as we found someone else's wallet in the ladies' room garbage with all the $$ taken out. Who says office life is boring? The truly hysterical part about it all was when half the office donned latex gloves a la CSI and went running from floor to floor to rummage through other ladies' room trash cans in hopes of finding bigwig's ID so she can fly home tonight.

Vivace has always been my favorite coffee house in Seattle, but they're getting a serious run for their money these days from a little orange flavored drink made by the folks at Uptown. They call it a Generra and is basically a mocha that has, instead of whipped cream, a couple of thick curves of orange peel added. I love what citrus does to my coffee. It adds a sweet n' sour sophistication that reminds me that a mocha can be a grown up drink and not just hot chocolate with caffeine.

During my years with the arty farty bohemian crowd I lost sight of how much I like hanging out with really smart men (now before you go getting your panties in a wad, yes, arty farty types can be smart, and yes, I like hanging with smart women, but i always have one of those around in my best friend). I'm of the opinion that there are different kinds of intelligence and was often attracted to what I felt I lacked; my ex, for example does physical theater and I always loved his graceful moves. Spending time with cB, however, has reminded me how truly enjoyable it is to be around someone with a first class mind.

I found a new place for the kidlet and I to live. Our current housemantes, who own the house we live in now, decided awhile back that they don't want housemates afterall (a decision that I'm sure has nothing whatsoever to do with my slacking on the housecleaning duties) and so i've been scurrying around trying to figure out what our best option would be. Turns out a basement apartment in a house near Matthews Beach. I'm excited about the new space--my own bathroom and kitchen!--but I'm gonna miss my Capitol Hill neighborhood more than I can say. It's always been my neighborhood of choice whenever I live in Seattle, it has everything I want and need close at hand: good coffee, restuarants, food co-op, parks, diversity of population, proximity to downtown. The new place is close to the beach and close to Burke-Gilman trail, but I fear I'll have to get in the car in order to so much as buy a carton of soy milk. And I hate that.

Have finished my first two half pounds of Kona that I brought back from Hawaii with me, the Blue Sky and the HulaBean. I must confess, I don't get what all the fuss is about Kona coffee. Granted, it's a smooth cup o' joe, but there's more to coffee than just smooth; I want some interesting flavor, something a bit more complex and layered, something that's going to wake me up with more than just the caffeine. However I loved my tour of the Kona Le'a plantation, where my fantasies of owning land and growing cool stuff on it were fueled. Not only did we get to wander around and ogle all the coffee processing equipment, smell beans roasting up close and personal (the yummy smoke stayed in our clothes for the rest of the day), but we also go to help ourselves to the bananas that they also grow there--about fifty times more flavorful than a chiquita or dole. The fat geese running around and the fact that they are experiementing with growing cacao trees to perhaps one day process and sell Kona chocolate, well, that was just the icing on the cake. Forget beachfront property. I want a coffee farm in Kona.